First off, thanks to all our customers and special guest star Ben Templesmith for making Third Coast Comics' first anniversary party a huge success!
But now, since DC's Wednesday Comics experiment is at the halfway point, I'm giving my midterm grades to the strips. Creators are judge on quality of story and effective use of the newspaper comics page format.
BATMAN (Azzarello & Risso): The 100 Bullets crew has done noir Batman before, and this is up to their usual high standards. They're making good use of the one-page format. This is the front page for a reason. A.
KAMANDI, LAST BOY ON EARTH (Gibbons & Sook): Leaving aside the fact that i've been a Kamandi fan since childhood, this strip is the highlight of the Wednesday. They've hit the Prince Valiant vibe perfectly in presentation and pacing, the art is gorgeous, and the story is clear and kickass. A+.
SUPERMAN (Arcudi & Bermejo): Oh dear. Well, Lee Bermejo's art is gorgeous as ever, and the color palette makes you feel like you're in a perpetual sunset. But have we learned nothing from some less than successful Superman runs (I'm looking at you J.M. DeMatteis and Joe Casey) and Superman Returns, NOBODY wants to see a mopey self-doubting Superman. D.
DEADMAN (Bullock, Heuck, Fletcher, & Stewart): The art's an acceptable Bruce Timm/Darwyn Cooke homage, but I'm at a loss as to why this strip exists. Deadman's way out of his element here. He works as a ghost walking between bodies and solving mysteries (you'll never convince me the creator of TV's Quantum Leap wasn't a Deadman fan). A reader who'd never seen this character before would be at a loss--spirit world? Rama Kushna? What seem to be mythological figures? This reads like it was a Hellboy story dusted off and rewritten with Deadman. D.
GREEN LANTERN (Busiek & Quinones): Kurt Busiek's not really capable of a bad story (ok, ok, the 80s Red Tornado miniseries notwithstanding) and Quinones does a lovely early sixties mod design style, but this thing moves at a snail's pace. Some weeks Green Lantern is barely seen suited up. Busiek's trying for a depth of story here that isn't really suited for one page a week. C-.
METAMORPHO (Gaiman & Allred): Ok, Neil Gaiman and Mike Allred are having a lot of fun with the format, and the jokes hit more than they miss. But when they do miss, they reveal a strip that's a little too in love with its own cleverness (e.g., the 'snakes n ladders' segment in week six. A solid B.
TEEN TITANS (Berganza & Galloway): I think it took until week six to get to the point of this, and I really didn't care what was going on in weeks one through five. Sean Galloway (character designer for Spectacular Spider-Man) has decent art skills, stylized but clear. But this story doesn't have much to recommend it. And really, Blue Beetle alternating between English and Spanish every few words? You know who did that? El Dorado on Superfriends. 'Nuff said. D.
STRANGE ADVENTURES WITH ADAM STRANGE (Pope): Like the Kamandi strip, Paul Pope is evoking an old-school classic strip (Flash Gordon) in his own style. Nicely paced, well drawn, and just a little bit tongue in cheek. A.
SUPERGIRL (Palmiotti & Conner): Amusing light story about the Girl of Steel and two Super-Pets and the art is well suited for it. This would be a baseline. A midle of the road grade. However, in week six, there's a guest appearance by Aquaman apparently as portrayed by Jeremy Piven, which I find hilarious. B+.
METAL MEN (Didio, Garcia Lopez, & Knowlan): I don't much care for Dan Didio's editorial decisions the past few years, but he's turning in a well paced story here, and Jose Luis Garcia Lopez's art is stunning as ever. This is a great use of the Metal Men, but loses a point for bringing up the human disguises the team used to wear in the early 70s. nobody wanted to remember that. A-.
WONDER WOMAN (Caldwell): Oh this is a mess. Ben Caldwell aims for the stars with a dense story not clearly told in the one-page format, daring layouts that are tough on the eyes, and coloring much too subtle for the printing method and newsprint paper stock to handle. None of this is working. F.
SGT. ROCK AND EASY COMPANY (Kubert & Kubert): Joe Kubert and his son Adam are legends in the field. The story and art are perfectly fine, but this is another strip that's moving too slow. The suspense and intrigue don't carry well from week to week. C-.
FLASH COMICS (Kerschl & Fletcher): Perfect use of the format! The two parallel strips are a great idea, and Flash's time travel plot is treading a fine line between comprehesible and confusing. All this and beautiful art pastiches of Mary Worth and Tarzan. A+.
THE DEMON AND CATWOMAN (Simonson & Stelfreeze): This is a teamup that came out of left field, and I'm not entirely sure it's giving a balanced exposure to both of its stars, but it is pretty entertaining. Unlike the Deadman strip, both characters are in their element, Catwoman flirting and stealing, and Etrigan leaping 20 feet in the air and speaking all Shakespearean. As a side note to anyone writing the Demon. If you can't do poetry, PLEASE don't have Etrigan speak in rhyme. There are very few writers who can pull this off, and most of them are named Alan Moore. See what Simonson is doing here? Flowery but not compelled to do a rhyming couplet in every speech balloon. Anyway, B+.
HAWKMAN (Baker): Does Kyle Baker hate Frank Miller? Judging from the first two pages of this I concluded the answer is yes. However, this strip looks great and has had some twists, turns, and an anything can happen feel to it. A-.
Showing posts with label third coast comics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label third coast comics. Show all posts
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Third Coast Comics in the Loyola Phoenix
Third Coast Comics - Diversions
Yes America, you can run a comic shop in a way that defies what we have learned about comics shops from the 70's to the Simpsons.
A week ago the Loyola Phoenix stopped by interviewed me. I did my best to communicate our mission without specifically calling out those who haven't really figured it out or the big boxes who sort of almost have it right. Opening a brink and Mortar may seem nuts to some folks I think we can turn out good stuff. The Loyola Community might think so soon after they have the Third Coast Comics Experience.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Moon Knight Reloaded: Counterpoint
Part 3 of 3: Under the Hood
Regarding Moon Knight #13: KUDOS to Charlie Huston for not only illustrating the "Old Testament" attitude we were speaking of earlier, but also for seeming to back up my next point.
Denny O'Neil, who wrote Batman in the 60s and edited Batman in the 80s, famously declared that Batman disguised himself as Bruce Wayne, not the other way around. He also said lots of other rubbish like Batman is impotent and he never caught his parents' killer, but that's an outraged rant for another day.
As Batman has Millionaire Bruce Wayne (and on occasion, Matches Malone), so Moon Knight has Millionaire Steven Grant and Jake Lockley (and Marc Spector, and Khonshu, and in the Ultimate Universe, a little girl with no eyeballs). Pretty much the primary way writers express the "Moon Knight is CRAZY" concept is by emphasizing his many identities.
Um...yeah. What say we leave the multiple-personality shtick to Bruce Banner, ok?
So who's really under the hood, Mr. Moon Knight? Jake Lockley?
You can't fool us. That's just how you pose as your own stoolie to the get the word on the streets. Steven Grant?
Nah. That's how you infiltrate high society and finance your operations. Are you the Avatar of Khonshu?
Nice try. You'd have to be an idiot to fall for that one. But are you Marc Spector, ruthless mercenary and killer?
I submit that Marc Spector was dead inside long before he started wearing a cape. I submit there is nobody under the hood. And that may be even scarier.
A man who has no sense of self at all. Every face he shows is a tool, a step to carry on his mission. He is unknowable, because there is nothing there to know. He's a blank slate; only the mission of vengeance matters. I find this direction intriguing. However, it requires the supporting cast to carry the emotional load. Fortunately we have Frenchie and Marlene, and perhaps Doc's idea of "The Moon Knight Family" has a use after all. I say if you're going that way, the answer is move him into the realm of The Shadow rather than Batman. The earliest days of The Shadow, mind you, not the radio bastardization--back when he was an unknowable force operating behind the scenes, as his agents wondered just who that manipulative bastard was who gave them their marching orders and saved them from certain death.
Well, readers? What's your counterpoint? Who is this Moon Knight, and why has he endured this long?
Regarding Moon Knight #13: KUDOS to Charlie Huston for not only illustrating the "Old Testament" attitude we were speaking of earlier, but also for seeming to back up my next point.
Denny O'Neil, who wrote Batman in the 60s and edited Batman in the 80s, famously declared that Batman disguised himself as Bruce Wayne, not the other way around. He also said lots of other rubbish like Batman is impotent and he never caught his parents' killer, but that's an outraged rant for another day.
As Batman has Millionaire Bruce Wayne (and on occasion, Matches Malone), so Moon Knight has Millionaire Steven Grant and Jake Lockley (and Marc Spector, and Khonshu, and in the Ultimate Universe, a little girl with no eyeballs). Pretty much the primary way writers express the "Moon Knight is CRAZY" concept is by emphasizing his many identities.
Um...yeah. What say we leave the multiple-personality shtick to Bruce Banner, ok?
So who's really under the hood, Mr. Moon Knight? Jake Lockley?
You can't fool us. That's just how you pose as your own stoolie to the get the word on the streets. Steven Grant?
Nah. That's how you infiltrate high society and finance your operations. Are you the Avatar of Khonshu?
Nice try. You'd have to be an idiot to fall for that one. But are you Marc Spector, ruthless mercenary and killer?
I submit that Marc Spector was dead inside long before he started wearing a cape. I submit there is nobody under the hood. And that may be even scarier.
A man who has no sense of self at all. Every face he shows is a tool, a step to carry on his mission. He is unknowable, because there is nothing there to know. He's a blank slate; only the mission of vengeance matters. I find this direction intriguing. However, it requires the supporting cast to carry the emotional load. Fortunately we have Frenchie and Marlene, and perhaps Doc's idea of "The Moon Knight Family" has a use after all. I say if you're going that way, the answer is move him into the realm of The Shadow rather than Batman. The earliest days of The Shadow, mind you, not the radio bastardization--back when he was an unknowable force operating behind the scenes, as his agents wondered just who that manipulative bastard was who gave them their marching orders and saved them from certain death.
Well, readers? What's your counterpoint? Who is this Moon Knight, and why has he endured this long?
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Moon Knight Reloaded: Counterpoint
Part 2 of 3: How do you solve a problem like the Moon Knight?
Villains. Moon Knight. This is an uphill climb. Still, Daredevil had pretty much nothing in the way of bad guys until Frank Miller stole Kingpin & Punisher away from Spidey and threw in a couple of hardcore assassins. What then can we steal for Moon Knight, who spent a lot of his career fighting a mercenary, a bunch of corrupt businessmen, and a werewolf?
Let's free associate. Moon...Knight...wolves howl at the moon...phases of the moon...moon sign, Sun sign, rising sign...knight to queen's bishop 4...Egypt...disguises...false faces...vengeance. Hmmm.
A vigilante who dealt vengeance on "criminals" with intense random violence. He was a crazy man, who only appeared during a full moon. He was...a LUNATIK.
But that was just one face, one phase, of a more complicated man. Another face was a suave sophisticated fellow, Harrison Turk.
But his true self was the evil wizard king Arisen Tyrk, arch-enemy of...the Man-Wolf.
Not bad for a start. We can do better. In Moon Knight's first solo story in Marvel Premiere, he fought the lame-ass "Conquer-Lord" (less said about him the better), who put him in a chessboard deathtrap. Let's remove everything from that last sentence except "chessboard." We can steal a page from Alpha Flight (who'd notice?) and bring in...the BRASS BISHOP and his CHESS SET.
Oh dear. They're a little TOO "Batman" don't you think? King Coal?! Overknight?! Its a wonder they didn't have a guy named Pawn Cocktail. We are getting closer though. It's nice to have MK go against a group, have him outnumbered, make him the underdog. Yes...a team. Ya know, for a guy who isn't supposed to play well with others, he did manage to be on two super-teams. First a cup of coffee with the Defenders. Then a brief stint with the West Coast Avengers.
Hey that's weird. He was on both teams just long enough to fight ZODIAC.
A-ha. now we're getting closer. Corrupt businessmen criminals, colorful outfits, ruled by the movements of the Sun and Moon. Now, all we need is someone to lead them. The world doesn't need another robot double of Nick Fury's brother though.
Fortunately, I have found another candidate. A real mastermind. Cruel and sadistic. Likes disguises. Always looking for vengeance on the world that created him. And best of all he looks like a GOD DAMN WEREWOLF.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
the MAN-BEAST.
Man-Beast, or Super-Beast. The Bastard Son of Wundagore Mountain. Evolution gone wrong. Tough enough to go mano a mano with Thor and Adam Warlock. Smart enough to create an army of animal-men (say...aren't most of the Zodiac animals?). His first words were "I live...AND I HATE!"
But why lead the Zodiac? Why not? Look at this guy's history. Put all of his insane plans together and you've got a guy whose sole motivation is f*cking with people for the hell of it. He fancies himself the modern-day Satan (back when Warlock was the Counter-Earth Jesus). He disguised himself as the Hate-Monger for a whole year in the 70s, and why?! BECAUSE HE COULD. Don't believe me?
Ok, I admit it. My number one reason is still that he's a FRICKIN' WOLF MAN. Wolf man + Moon Knight = GOLD. You can't argue with science, folks.
Oh and what's that Egyptian deity with the head of a dog? Oh yeah, that's right: SET the Lord of Evil.
PS: Just to have some more Egyptian trappings around, steal OZYMANDIAS away from the X-Books.
Cheers. In part 3 we look at Moon Knight's "multiple personality" shtick and see if it's worth saving.
Villains. Moon Knight. This is an uphill climb. Still, Daredevil had pretty much nothing in the way of bad guys until Frank Miller stole Kingpin & Punisher away from Spidey and threw in a couple of hardcore assassins. What then can we steal for Moon Knight, who spent a lot of his career fighting a mercenary, a bunch of corrupt businessmen, and a werewolf?
Let's free associate. Moon...Knight...wolves howl at the moon...phases of the moon...moon sign, Sun sign, rising sign...knight to queen's bishop 4...Egypt...disguises...false faces...vengeance. Hmmm.
A vigilante who dealt vengeance on "criminals" with intense random violence. He was a crazy man, who only appeared during a full moon. He was...a LUNATIK.
But that was just one face, one phase, of a more complicated man. Another face was a suave sophisticated fellow, Harrison Turk.
But his true self was the evil wizard king Arisen Tyrk, arch-enemy of...the Man-Wolf.
Not bad for a start. We can do better. In Moon Knight's first solo story in Marvel Premiere, he fought the lame-ass "Conquer-Lord" (less said about him the better), who put him in a chessboard deathtrap. Let's remove everything from that last sentence except "chessboard." We can steal a page from Alpha Flight (who'd notice?) and bring in...the BRASS BISHOP and his CHESS SET.
Oh dear. They're a little TOO "Batman" don't you think? King Coal?! Overknight?! Its a wonder they didn't have a guy named Pawn Cocktail. We are getting closer though. It's nice to have MK go against a group, have him outnumbered, make him the underdog. Yes...a team. Ya know, for a guy who isn't supposed to play well with others, he did manage to be on two super-teams. First a cup of coffee with the Defenders. Then a brief stint with the West Coast Avengers.
Hey that's weird. He was on both teams just long enough to fight ZODIAC.A-ha. now we're getting closer. Corrupt businessmen criminals, colorful outfits, ruled by the movements of the Sun and Moon. Now, all we need is someone to lead them. The world doesn't need another robot double of Nick Fury's brother though.
Fortunately, I have found another candidate. A real mastermind. Cruel and sadistic. Likes disguises. Always looking for vengeance on the world that created him. And best of all he looks like a GOD DAMN WEREWOLF.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
the MAN-BEAST.
Man-Beast, or Super-Beast. The Bastard Son of Wundagore Mountain. Evolution gone wrong. Tough enough to go mano a mano with Thor and Adam Warlock. Smart enough to create an army of animal-men (say...aren't most of the Zodiac animals?). His first words were "I live...AND I HATE!"
But why lead the Zodiac? Why not? Look at this guy's history. Put all of his insane plans together and you've got a guy whose sole motivation is f*cking with people for the hell of it. He fancies himself the modern-day Satan (back when Warlock was the Counter-Earth Jesus). He disguised himself as the Hate-Monger for a whole year in the 70s, and why?! BECAUSE HE COULD. Don't believe me?
Ok, I admit it. My number one reason is still that he's a FRICKIN' WOLF MAN. Wolf man + Moon Knight = GOLD. You can't argue with science, folks.
Oh and what's that Egyptian deity with the head of a dog? Oh yeah, that's right: SET the Lord of Evil.
PS: Just to have some more Egyptian trappings around, steal OZYMANDIAS away from the X-Books.
Cheers. In part 3 we look at Moon Knight's "multiple personality" shtick and see if it's worth saving.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Moon Knight Reloaded: Counterpoint
Part 1 of 3: "Bite Me, Doc"
Adding more Batman trappings to Moon Knight? Is he gonna be a parody character forever?
There is one thing Doc and I are agreed on: Moon Knight is Old Testament. From Marc Spector's rabbinical dad to Khonshu the Egyptian god of vengeance, Moon Knight is all about an eye for an eye. This is how he can stand apart from the other street-level Marvels wandering New York City. He doesn't need colorful bank robbers, Spider-Man has that covered. He shouldn't be beating up mobsters, that's daredevil's job. Playing bodyguard for cash? There's at least 5 guys who've done the "Hero for Hire" bit. And the Punisher took all the guns.
Let the punishment fit the crime. With Moon Knight, killers get killed. Thieves have something precious taken from them. Combined with his crazy reputation, all the other Marvel heroes think he's that dude from "SAW."
That said, wreaking Mikado-like vengeance on petty criminals will get boring after a while. So this m.o. is just in the background. What epic battles should a Moon Knight have?
Quick, name as many Moon Knight villains as you can in 10 seconds.
Time's up. Right now you're amazed MK was ever popular. He's got fewer quality bad guys than Daredevil! He's gotten by for decades on a COLD look and Batman's gimmicks.
What are the building blocks of his rogue's gallery? In the next installment, we look into the past to find themes for the future...
Adding more Batman trappings to Moon Knight? Is he gonna be a parody character forever?
There is one thing Doc and I are agreed on: Moon Knight is Old Testament. From Marc Spector's rabbinical dad to Khonshu the Egyptian god of vengeance, Moon Knight is all about an eye for an eye. This is how he can stand apart from the other street-level Marvels wandering New York City. He doesn't need colorful bank robbers, Spider-Man has that covered. He shouldn't be beating up mobsters, that's daredevil's job. Playing bodyguard for cash? There's at least 5 guys who've done the "Hero for Hire" bit. And the Punisher took all the guns.
Let the punishment fit the crime. With Moon Knight, killers get killed. Thieves have something precious taken from them. Combined with his crazy reputation, all the other Marvel heroes think he's that dude from "SAW."
That said, wreaking Mikado-like vengeance on petty criminals will get boring after a while. So this m.o. is just in the background. What epic battles should a Moon Knight have?
Quick, name as many Moon Knight villains as you can in 10 seconds.
Time's up. Right now you're amazed MK was ever popular. He's got fewer quality bad guys than Daredevil! He's gotten by for decades on a COLD look and Batman's gimmicks.
What are the building blocks of his rogue's gallery? In the next installment, we look into the past to find themes for the future...
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Giving props: Part 2
I'm giving props to Mike Allred for getting back on the horse and returning to Madan. I love Madman's look. I like the feel of Allred's art and I doubly love his story telling ability. The man is Eisner-esque in story telling prowess.
With this new volume of Madman, Allred is also stepping out a bit in terms of what he seems to want to do. If you like Scott Mcloud, Will Eisner or Moebius, then this could be the book for you. It could only be better if it were publish at the size of Red Rocket 7.
It's published by Image too, who seem to be able to get almost anything to print these days.
Lets Give Some Props: Part 1
Ok, I was gonna work up a whole treatise on why closeted DC fans and un adulterated Marvel fans need to really get off of Dan Didio and DC for destroying their memory of the 90's but instead I have decided to go in a more positive direction away from all of their panty waisted crying:
I'm Not going to do that. I am instead gonna give up some love for some artists that I just don't hear enough good things said about. In some cases you'll see some of their new projects too, which I think can more than make up for the fact that losers like Lightray have bit the dust.
First up:
Daniel Acuna!
Now I know some hard core fans of the Freedom Fighters who were pretty upset a few years ago when Superman and Batman cut them to ribbons but this guy has the talent to put this team back on the map.
Look at these guys! You got the baddest ass Black Condor ever, Samuel L Jackson as Dollman, A Phantom Lady with a rack that rivals Power Girls (even she noticed it), The Ray (HE survived the 90's purge), a stealth bomber Human Bomb, and they have even found a way to update Firbrand AND the Red Fucking Bee!
Rekanize Bitches!
I'm Not going to do that. I am instead gonna give up some love for some artists that I just don't hear enough good things said about. In some cases you'll see some of their new projects too, which I think can more than make up for the fact that losers like Lightray have bit the dust.
First up:
Daniel Acuna!
Now I know some hard core fans of the Freedom Fighters who were pretty upset a few years ago when Superman and Batman cut them to ribbons but this guy has the talent to put this team back on the map.
Look at these guys! You got the baddest ass Black Condor ever, Samuel L Jackson as Dollman, A Phantom Lady with a rack that rivals Power Girls (even she noticed it), The Ray (HE survived the 90's purge), a stealth bomber Human Bomb, and they have even found a way to update Firbrand AND the Red Fucking Bee!
Rekanize Bitches!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Let the Girls in the Sandbox
I'm not going to get sidetracked by crying about Adam West and Batman and the image of comics since. Adam West didn't ruin our image. We did.
I'm posting the following to say that Minx Comics may eventually give us the biggest influx of female comics fans since Neil Gaiman's Sandman. Sure they'll start younger but if this works, there will be even younger chicks in comics shops totally ignoring the hell out of fans of the X-Men.
I agree with Sam in sentiment about lousy writers on comics culture in general but I think the MINX line needs to be covered and DC was right to take a stab at it. It's all about market share and anyone who can't see that isn't listening to the hush that falls over the room when you talk comics with non comics fans. They talk about the movies that are out and are amazed at how many of them are about comics and they may mention that one of their kids likes those little japanese comics but then someone else walks up and they start talking soccer practice and circus camp.
It's because the other kid is probably a girl and girls don't do what boys do so if parents want to give the lives of their kids equal weight, they change the subject.
The Minx line is to get those "Tween" chicklets back into the conversation. They are not meant for bitter jaded 30+ men who just want their favorite past time to remain free of the taint of those peripherally interested and solidly post modern.
The other thing is, they really do have to sell the shit. You make comics aimed at girls and how do you get them in front of the girls when most shops look like the bedrooms of either their brothers or their 30+ creepy uncle?
You do it by getting the word out to their parents who control the cash flow for those kids.
Yes, you will have to write a few pandering articles but so what really? As long as you get the info right, there shouldn't be any harm. It's just journalism. Not always at it's finest but it has to be done. You also can't really write a piece on the new happenings in comics without covering some history. People don't write about Barry Bonds without mentioning Ruth, Mantle or Mays. They don't write about LeBron without mentioning Jordan and Bird.
Personally I'm just glad I don't have to read another article all about how comics have grown up because some bitter 30+ tool with a degree in graphic design is drawing comics about a fat loser who sits on his couch mastubating and peeing in his sink, while thinking of what his life could be like if he only choose to use his super intelligence for something other than beating video games.
That stuff is some bullshit but it sure is hip. I can't stand it. If I want to go to a party in Bucktown, wearing a distressed BJ and thr Bear T-Shirt, oily jeans and my Steve Maddden shoes, with bed head while drinking a PBR, those are the comics I'd read. Those are the comics i'd read. I can't wait until Peep Show gets turned into a movie. THEN we'll see some maturity and how much comics have grown up. If you felt betrayed by Spiderman 3, watch out for the hit your image could take in the future.
All I'm saying is that comics publication is a business and I'm ok with the folks at DC approching it that way. Let the girls come in and play and lets stop being so hung up on our image in the eyes of the general public that we aren't willing to take a look at what can improve it.
I'm posting the following to say that Minx Comics may eventually give us the biggest influx of female comics fans since Neil Gaiman's Sandman. Sure they'll start younger but if this works, there will be even younger chicks in comics shops totally ignoring the hell out of fans of the X-Men.
I agree with Sam in sentiment about lousy writers on comics culture in general but I think the MINX line needs to be covered and DC was right to take a stab at it. It's all about market share and anyone who can't see that isn't listening to the hush that falls over the room when you talk comics with non comics fans. They talk about the movies that are out and are amazed at how many of them are about comics and they may mention that one of their kids likes those little japanese comics but then someone else walks up and they start talking soccer practice and circus camp.
It's because the other kid is probably a girl and girls don't do what boys do so if parents want to give the lives of their kids equal weight, they change the subject.
The Minx line is to get those "Tween" chicklets back into the conversation. They are not meant for bitter jaded 30+ men who just want their favorite past time to remain free of the taint of those peripherally interested and solidly post modern.
The other thing is, they really do have to sell the shit. You make comics aimed at girls and how do you get them in front of the girls when most shops look like the bedrooms of either their brothers or their 30+ creepy uncle?
You do it by getting the word out to their parents who control the cash flow for those kids.
Yes, you will have to write a few pandering articles but so what really? As long as you get the info right, there shouldn't be any harm. It's just journalism. Not always at it's finest but it has to be done. You also can't really write a piece on the new happenings in comics without covering some history. People don't write about Barry Bonds without mentioning Ruth, Mantle or Mays. They don't write about LeBron without mentioning Jordan and Bird.
Personally I'm just glad I don't have to read another article all about how comics have grown up because some bitter 30+ tool with a degree in graphic design is drawing comics about a fat loser who sits on his couch mastubating and peeing in his sink, while thinking of what his life could be like if he only choose to use his super intelligence for something other than beating video games.
That stuff is some bullshit but it sure is hip. I can't stand it. If I want to go to a party in Bucktown, wearing a distressed BJ and thr Bear T-Shirt, oily jeans and my Steve Maddden shoes, with bed head while drinking a PBR, those are the comics I'd read. Those are the comics i'd read. I can't wait until Peep Show gets turned into a movie. THEN we'll see some maturity and how much comics have grown up. If you felt betrayed by Spiderman 3, watch out for the hit your image could take in the future.
All I'm saying is that comics publication is a business and I'm ok with the folks at DC approching it that way. Let the girls come in and play and lets stop being so hung up on our image in the eyes of the general public that we aren't willing to take a look at what can improve it.
Friday, June 15, 2007
The Black Super Villains Union
I'm posting this to adderess a little know issue in the world of comics: The plight of the Black Super Villain.
I know what everyone is thinking and, yes, the thread at Newsarama did get up to a bajillion pages but out of all of that indignation and bile spewing come this true account of why it is not just any mean spirited Black Man can be a a Black Super Villain.
The problem is, that it is not run my Lex Luthor, who, contray to his pigment in the JLU cartoon and his bald head and deep voice, IS NOT BLACK.
It's also not run by Apocalypse, who may or may not be Egyptian but who is certainly never actually claimed to be Black.
It can only be run by one man:
Moses F'N Magnum!
Yes there may be some subtext in that picture but subtext is the very nature of the Black Super Villain. How isa brotha supposed to take over the world if all of his social statements are made by screaming. Sometimes you just have to stand behind a giant phallic podium and...expound...
Now it's clear to me that Moses was based in another ruler of industry, Maurice White of Earth Wind and Fire fame. Look:
Moses has a right hand man at Union meetings. That man is more than likely Mr. Fish.
I know what everyone is thinking and, yes, the thread at Newsarama did get up to a bajillion pages but out of all of that indignation and bile spewing come this true account of why it is not just any mean spirited Black Man can be a a Black Super Villain.
The Black Super Villain Union
It's the organization any self respecting Black man who wanted to be known for his evil deeds and be respected by more than just himself, would have to join.
The problem is, that it is not run my Lex Luthor, who, contray to his pigment in the JLU cartoon and his bald head and deep voice, IS NOT BLACK.
It's also not run by Apocalypse, who may or may not be Egyptian but who is certainly never actually claimed to be Black.
It can only be run by one man:
Moses F'N Magnum!
Yes there may be some subtext in that picture but subtext is the very nature of the Black Super Villain. How isa brotha supposed to take over the world if all of his social statements are made by screaming. Sometimes you just have to stand behind a giant phallic podium and...expound...
I digress.
Now it's clear to me that Moses was based in another ruler of industry, Maurice White of Earth Wind and Fire fame. Look:
The wisdom of my statement cannot be denied...
Moses has a right hand man at Union meetings. That man is more than likely Mr. Fish.
Mr. Fish gets the job because he has...well he looks crazy but he makes up for it by packing heat and choking a bitch, who may be bulletproof on a roof top.
Moses magnum takes application and he and Mr. Fish review them. I think it goes somethink like this:
Moses: NEXT!!!!
(cue the bumper music from Soul Train)
In walks Thunderball, of the Wrecking Crew---
MM: And just who in the hell are you supposed to be?
Thunderball: My name is Thunderball.
MM: Fish? You got a Thunderbell on your list?
Mr. Fish: Naw boss. Aint got no...Thunderbell on my list
TB: Thats Thunder-Ball. Like the James Bond Film...I'm in the Wrecking Crew.
MM: You a spy?
TB: No I'm not a spy. I'm a black Super villain. Like you.
MM: Like ME??? Are you the Leader of the Wrecking Crew?
TB: No, That's the Wrecker. I'm highly educated. I'm like the Black Bruce Banner.
MM: The Black Who? Is the Wrecker Black? Get him in here if he's got his own crew. That's built in labor as far as I'm concerned. I like to see a brotha sun contractin...
MF: He's the Black Bruce Jenner Boss. And the Wrecker is White. He fought Thor. Hits folks with a Crowbar. Wears a ski mask.
MM: What? Bruce Jenner? The Wheaties dude from when I was a shorty?
TB: Banner! Bruce Banner!!! The Incredible Hulk! I am as smart as that guy.
MF: I know someboby need to slow they roll up in this piece, that all I know. Walkin round here dressed like The Uncola and shit...
MM: Mr. Ball...Can I ask you a question?
TB: Oh sure, Anything.
MM: You hang around with a crew of guys lead by a white boy in a ski mask carryin a crowbar and it says right here in this update I got from Black Manta, that your last known stompin grounds was tryin to take over Canada.
TB: Yeah...
MM: Well the Hulk was a member of the Avengers for like a hot minute and then he decided after about an hour of their WASPish nonsense that he was better off raisin hell on his own.
TB: Yeah...
MM: You're the Black Who again because I don't think the Hulk is botherin with Canada or the Foot Clan or whoever the hell yall supposed to be. My official ruling is to hold off on this application until...well until yall get some damn sense. Fish, get this fool up outta here.
MF: Bout damn time. NEXT!!!
Next up: Rocket Racer and Man Ape.....
Monday, May 21, 2007
How I can Solve the Iraq Crisis with my D and D Group
You know what’s been bothering me about the Iraq War? I think its being badly mismanaged on all fronts. A nation that can put a man on the moon before the advent of 1st Edition Dungeons and Dragons, ought to be able to win a war in the desert no matter who started it or how trumped up the reason was.
It no longer matters who attacked who and who won “Initiative”. All that matters now is that there are Experience Points to be gained for our boys and they must be supported.
This shouldn’t be that hard…
Why can't the army just send in a team of adventures with a few 12th level Clerics and a 10th level Mage or two. The Clerics can cast flame strike AND cure the 8th level Rangers they are sending in + they can wear armor that's good for deflecting small arms fire. The Mages can cast “Cloudkill” which will take care of any conscripted Axis of Evil mooks that neo-Sadaam can send out there and at 10th level, that's like a maxed out fireball waiting to happen.
The Rangers we send could have Favored Enemy: “the Poor”, and just wade in there and beat ass. They'd get like at least 3 attacks every 6 seconds. In melee, that's pretty good especially if they have some enchanted weapons or at least the shit they give to Navy Seals.
This war would be over in no time.
The party goes in using identities created for them by the Rogues on the team who have levels in the Spy Master Prestige class and then they hit a bar and wait for it to get all Fullujah or something. Take a desert Barbarian or two with you.
I suggest Half American, Half Turk. The Turks are still pissed about a whole lot of shit and then when they rage, they will be getting critical hits on Insurgents left and right. I also suggest at least one 7th level Desert Druid. Someone cool like that dude from the mummy. It's a sure bet that the insurgents will have some of those Palestinian cats who can't wait to blow some shit up with IEDs and you may need someone who can summon a “Dire Camel” with horns and a trample attack just to kill that noise. I'd suggest 4 armed monkeys with Machetes but I don't think druids can summon them. The wizards could but they'd be too busy casting “Evard’s Black Tentacles” in the town square.
This whole war is some bull shit. Let me DM it and it's fucking over and Wired Magazine can get back to showing me the flying car of the fucking future. It runs on garbage like lawn cuttings and orange peels and shit. Right now they have stories about the “Weapons of the Future” and what not. We need “Weapons of the Past” like “Vorpal Swords of Sharpness” and that bad ass “Sun Blade” from the “Ravenloft” adventure back in 2nd Edition D and D. I bet if Colin Powell had a “+3 Sword of Wounding”, he’d be knee deep in sand right now beating ass and building an infrastructure my children could take advantage of someday.
I also promise that when the “Brave Companions” or the “51st Airborne Arcane Knights” or whatever, get to...wherever it is that the treasure that “W” is looking for is, there would be some cool shit there. Sure, they'd have to fight like a “Marilith” or two along the way and probably a Rakshasa (or maybe Djinn since we strive to be ethnically sensitive) but there'd still be decent swag to haul out. None of this oil type shit or bolts of cloth and artistic treasures. We already have a system for getting that out with just standard conquered city looting tactics.
I'm talking about Artifacts like the “Hand of Vecna” or the “Machine of Lum the Mad” or a “Staff of Ancient Penumbra.”
If “W” isn't running the war like that (and it looks like he isn’t) then really, folks should just hire a Dungeon Master who will and be done with it. American cannot afford to take critical hit after critical hit and fail saving throw after saving throw. It’s time the game were run by folks who could get us results and have our boys back home and in therapy by GenCon, like my Saturday D and D group.
It no longer matters who attacked who and who won “Initiative”. All that matters now is that there are Experience Points to be gained for our boys and they must be supported.
This shouldn’t be that hard…
Why can't the army just send in a team of adventures with a few 12th level Clerics and a 10th level Mage or two. The Clerics can cast flame strike AND cure the 8th level Rangers they are sending in + they can wear armor that's good for deflecting small arms fire. The Mages can cast “Cloudkill” which will take care of any conscripted Axis of Evil mooks that neo-Sadaam can send out there and at 10th level, that's like a maxed out fireball waiting to happen.
The Rangers we send could have Favored Enemy: “the Poor”, and just wade in there and beat ass. They'd get like at least 3 attacks every 6 seconds. In melee, that's pretty good especially if they have some enchanted weapons or at least the shit they give to Navy Seals.
This war would be over in no time.
The party goes in using identities created for them by the Rogues on the team who have levels in the Spy Master Prestige class and then they hit a bar and wait for it to get all Fullujah or something. Take a desert Barbarian or two with you.
I suggest Half American, Half Turk. The Turks are still pissed about a whole lot of shit and then when they rage, they will be getting critical hits on Insurgents left and right. I also suggest at least one 7th level Desert Druid. Someone cool like that dude from the mummy. It's a sure bet that the insurgents will have some of those Palestinian cats who can't wait to blow some shit up with IEDs and you may need someone who can summon a “Dire Camel” with horns and a trample attack just to kill that noise. I'd suggest 4 armed monkeys with Machetes but I don't think druids can summon them. The wizards could but they'd be too busy casting “Evard’s Black Tentacles” in the town square.
This whole war is some bull shit. Let me DM it and it's fucking over and Wired Magazine can get back to showing me the flying car of the fucking future. It runs on garbage like lawn cuttings and orange peels and shit. Right now they have stories about the “Weapons of the Future” and what not. We need “Weapons of the Past” like “Vorpal Swords of Sharpness” and that bad ass “Sun Blade” from the “Ravenloft” adventure back in 2nd Edition D and D. I bet if Colin Powell had a “+3 Sword of Wounding”, he’d be knee deep in sand right now beating ass and building an infrastructure my children could take advantage of someday.
I also promise that when the “Brave Companions” or the “51st Airborne Arcane Knights” or whatever, get to...wherever it is that the treasure that “W” is looking for is, there would be some cool shit there. Sure, they'd have to fight like a “Marilith” or two along the way and probably a Rakshasa (or maybe Djinn since we strive to be ethnically sensitive) but there'd still be decent swag to haul out. None of this oil type shit or bolts of cloth and artistic treasures. We already have a system for getting that out with just standard conquered city looting tactics.
I'm talking about Artifacts like the “Hand of Vecna” or the “Machine of Lum the Mad” or a “Staff of Ancient Penumbra.”
If “W” isn't running the war like that (and it looks like he isn’t) then really, folks should just hire a Dungeon Master who will and be done with it. American cannot afford to take critical hit after critical hit and fail saving throw after saving throw. It’s time the game were run by folks who could get us results and have our boys back home and in therapy by GenCon, like my Saturday D and D group.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Crime Fighting Vehicles Rock - Pole Position.
How you can tell it was the 80s:
Based on an arcade game, CHECK
Ripping off Knight Rider: CHECK
Theme music mentions "the danger zone": DOUBLE F'N CHECK
I'll say this, those are some happy dashboard computers. Not like that stuck-up K.I.T.T.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Crime Fighting Vehicles Rock - Air Wolf
Ok, the origin of Airwolf is simple. Once upon a time, there was some bullshit on TV. Then out of a dormant volcano, there arose, a vision of sheet armor and hellfire missles in the form of the only TV show about a Crime Fighting helicopter to ever star Jan Michael Vincent.
Now some folks may be partial to Blue Thunder but not me. I cannot be saved by Dick Butkus and Bubba Smith. I mean if someone were robbing a Wendy's then hells yeah but otherwise...
All I'm saying is look at this thing:
That's just bad ass ain't it!!
And here that Texaco is about to just GET IT!!!
I mean Not only did the helicopter have a cool name but it was flown by a guy named, get this, Stringfellow Hawke. How cool is that? I mean like I said. It could have been a guy named Bubba.
And Hawke (and his buddy Dominic Santini (see, still a cool name) took their orders froma guy named Archangel. Not only did he have a cool name but he had a cool ass look too.
Oh and before I forget. Others also know how cool Airwolf was because they couldn't spread their message of...whatever it is they're spreading, without it:
http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/
You tell em Mr. Cline...
Now some folks may be partial to Blue Thunder but not me. I cannot be saved by Dick Butkus and Bubba Smith. I mean if someone were robbing a Wendy's then hells yeah but otherwise...
All I'm saying is look at this thing:
That's just bad ass ain't it!!
And here that Texaco is about to just GET IT!!!
I mean Not only did the helicopter have a cool name but it was flown by a guy named, get this, Stringfellow Hawke. How cool is that? I mean like I said. It could have been a guy named Bubba.
And Hawke (and his buddy Dominic Santini (see, still a cool name) took their orders froma guy named Archangel. Not only did he have a cool name but he had a cool ass look too.
I don't know who Archangel is calling but they'd better have their shit in order man.
This is gonna be my next big insane DVD purchase. I just joined some online community of Airwolf wackos just so I could get these pics. Airwolf could fight crime and terrorism and live in a volcano and do it with style.Oh and before I forget. Others also know how cool Airwolf was because they couldn't spread their message of...whatever it is they're spreading, without it:
http://www.ernestcline.com/spokenword/
You tell em Mr. Cline...
Crime Fighting Vehicles Rock - Street Hawk
You knew at some point once a car was fighting crime then it wouldn't be long before a boat was fighting crime but before that happened, someone got a motorcycle to get off it's 2 wheeled ass and keep the city safe!
I give you:
Street Hawk had almost everything. It had machine guns, missles and even a particle beam. I thinkit used the particle beam to over heat engines or something...because that's what you do when you have a particle beam. Overheat engines...
I always wanted him to burn his way through walls and ride through offices or to chop down trees with it to ride across.
He did have a decent cast though. It was a show about a crime fighting cycle. They were not gonna win oscars win Oscars or anything. I mean look at the love interest here. Acxting would be dressing like you WANT to ride the...you know...
And then one day it was over and we haven't really had crime stopped on a motorcycle since. Well not until someone makes a show about the Ruff Ryders protecting the hood while doin wheelies and smokin blunts. Where's UPN? I need to get them a memo.
OH YEAH, Oil just reminded me that the music was done by Tangerine Dream. Which is pretty much why I can't listen to Tangerine Dream to this day. I want it all to be Street Hawk.
I give you:
Street Hawk had almost everything. It had machine guns, missles and even a particle beam. I thinkit used the particle beam to over heat engines or something...because that's what you do when you have a particle beam. Overheat engines...
I always wanted him to burn his way through walls and ride through offices or to chop down trees with it to ride across.
He did have a decent cast though. It was a show about a crime fighting cycle. They were not gonna win oscars win Oscars or anything. I mean look at the love interest here. Acxting would be dressing like you WANT to ride the...you know...
And then one day it was over and we haven't really had crime stopped on a motorcycle since. Well not until someone makes a show about the Ruff Ryders protecting the hood while doin wheelies and smokin blunts. Where's UPN? I need to get them a memo.
OH YEAH, Oil just reminded me that the music was done by Tangerine Dream. Which is pretty much why I can't listen to Tangerine Dream to this day. I want it all to be Street Hawk.
Crime Fighting Vehicles Rock - Team Knight Rider
I could actually stop with the title of this post because the truth of that statement is such a widely held universal belief that one would have to be raised by Panda bears to not know it.
In celebration of this fact I shall wax nostalgic about it so as to improve your day and in case you were indeed, raised by Pandas.
This is Team Knight Rider. Yeah I know it's not the First Knight Rider but that's because I'm not starting there. I'm starting with the legacy left by Kitt and Michael Knight.
Michael Knight liked it. So did Gary Coleman!
Look at those vehicles will you! Don't you want to just go out and stop a jewel heist of find a guy who stole some isotope, and you'll do it in your talking Honda Civic.
I know I do. Look what I found on wikipedia!
Dante - Dante is a modified Ford Expedition sport-utility vehicle driven by Kyle, but the truck has enough room to transport the entire TKR team and functions like a mobile command center. Dante's AI expresses himself in a haughty British manner and has no misgivings about making his driver and passengers feel uncomfortable. He is the ad hoc leader of the vehicles (if they'd ever listen to him) and he usually speaks on their behalf. (Dante is voiced by Tom Kane).
Domino - Domino is a modified Ford Mustang convertible driven by Jenny. The AI's manner of course is sleek, sexy and flirtatious. She is also talkative and likes to gossip to the annoyance of the other TKR vehicles. (Domino is voiced by Nia Vardalos).
Attack Beast - Attack Beast, or just "Beast", is a modified Ford F-150 full-sized pick up with off-road capability and is driven by Duke. Beast's AI has a stubborn and argumentative attitude that talks tough and is not afraid to stand up to a fight. His favorite tactic is to crash through walls and surprise the enemy. Beast also does not like to take orders from Duke or anyone else, but he is fiercely loyal and gets the job done. TKR member Jenny is the only one Beast will listen to, and his aggressive nature softens when she is around. (Beast is voiced by Kerrigan Mahan).
Kat - Kat is a high-tech motorcycle that merges with her twin, Plato, to form the advanced High Pursuit Vehicle. Kat is driven by Erica and her AI has a polar opposite personality to that of her devious operator. Kat is always concerned with rules and regulations and is in constant conflict with Erica's amoral traits. She acts more like Erica's mother than her partner, but she will do whatever is necessary to get Erica out of a jam. (Kat is voiced by Andrea Beutner).
Plato - Plato is a high-tech motorcycle that merges with his twin Kat, to form the advanced High Pursuit Vehicle. Plato is driven by Trek, and the two couldn't match each other better. Like his operator, Plato is a nerdy brainiac completely consumed by facts, figures and data. Plato likes to quote television commercials and famous movie lines and talks in sort of a code that only Trek can understand. The two have developed a strange symbiotic relationship that the other TKR members can never figure out. (Plato is voiced by comedian John Kassir).
And then there was other stuff too!
High Pursuit Vehicle - The motorcycles Kat and Plato can merge together to form an unusual looking 4-wheeled vehicle capable of high speeds and incredible maneuverability
Sky One - Sky One is a massive C5 military cargo airplane with special VTOL capability. Sky One acted as TKR's mobile base and vehicle transport. (Sky One is voiced by Linda M. McCollough).
K.R.O. - KRO (pronounced "Crow") is an acronym for Knight Reformulation One. He would have ultimately replaced KITT (however the TKR series gives no mention of the Knight Rider 2000 series where the Knight 4000 was KITT's original replacement). KRO is a modified black Ferrari GTS with a highly unstable AI. After events that led to his murdering of five people, KRO was deactivated. KRO's operator, Martin Jantzen, was equally unstable. KRO later escapes to kill his creator and FLAG is forced to destroy him. (KRO was voiced by John B. Wells).
K.A. - short for "Knight Alpha", a prototype vehicle introduced in "Legion of Doom" for a possible European Knight Rider team being prepared for delivery to Berlin. KA is a European-made Ford Ka compact hatchback. KA only speaks German. (He is capable of many languages, but chooses to speak German in protest of the egocentric Americans.)
Man, I'd pay good money for this stuff on DVD. It's gotta be "Tremors" and "Gymkata" level good.
In celebration of this fact I shall wax nostalgic about it so as to improve your day and in case you were indeed, raised by Pandas.
This is Team Knight Rider. Yeah I know it's not the First Knight Rider but that's because I'm not starting there. I'm starting with the legacy left by Kitt and Michael Knight.
Michael Knight liked it. So did Gary Coleman!
Look at those vehicles will you! Don't you want to just go out and stop a jewel heist of find a guy who stole some isotope, and you'll do it in your talking Honda Civic.
I know I do. Look what I found on wikipedia!
Dante - Dante is a modified Ford Expedition sport-utility vehicle driven by Kyle, but the truck has enough room to transport the entire TKR team and functions like a mobile command center. Dante's AI expresses himself in a haughty British manner and has no misgivings about making his driver and passengers feel uncomfortable. He is the ad hoc leader of the vehicles (if they'd ever listen to him) and he usually speaks on their behalf. (Dante is voiced by Tom Kane).
Domino - Domino is a modified Ford Mustang convertible driven by Jenny. The AI's manner of course is sleek, sexy and flirtatious. She is also talkative and likes to gossip to the annoyance of the other TKR vehicles. (Domino is voiced by Nia Vardalos).
Attack Beast - Attack Beast, or just "Beast", is a modified Ford F-150 full-sized pick up with off-road capability and is driven by Duke. Beast's AI has a stubborn and argumentative attitude that talks tough and is not afraid to stand up to a fight. His favorite tactic is to crash through walls and surprise the enemy. Beast also does not like to take orders from Duke or anyone else, but he is fiercely loyal and gets the job done. TKR member Jenny is the only one Beast will listen to, and his aggressive nature softens when she is around. (Beast is voiced by Kerrigan Mahan).
Kat - Kat is a high-tech motorcycle that merges with her twin, Plato, to form the advanced High Pursuit Vehicle. Kat is driven by Erica and her AI has a polar opposite personality to that of her devious operator. Kat is always concerned with rules and regulations and is in constant conflict with Erica's amoral traits. She acts more like Erica's mother than her partner, but she will do whatever is necessary to get Erica out of a jam. (Kat is voiced by Andrea Beutner).
Plato - Plato is a high-tech motorcycle that merges with his twin Kat, to form the advanced High Pursuit Vehicle. Plato is driven by Trek, and the two couldn't match each other better. Like his operator, Plato is a nerdy brainiac completely consumed by facts, figures and data. Plato likes to quote television commercials and famous movie lines and talks in sort of a code that only Trek can understand. The two have developed a strange symbiotic relationship that the other TKR members can never figure out. (Plato is voiced by comedian John Kassir).
And then there was other stuff too!
High Pursuit Vehicle - The motorcycles Kat and Plato can merge together to form an unusual looking 4-wheeled vehicle capable of high speeds and incredible maneuverability
Sky One - Sky One is a massive C5 military cargo airplane with special VTOL capability. Sky One acted as TKR's mobile base and vehicle transport. (Sky One is voiced by Linda M. McCollough).
K.R.O. - KRO (pronounced "Crow") is an acronym for Knight Reformulation One. He would have ultimately replaced KITT (however the TKR series gives no mention of the Knight Rider 2000 series where the Knight 4000 was KITT's original replacement). KRO is a modified black Ferrari GTS with a highly unstable AI. After events that led to his murdering of five people, KRO was deactivated. KRO's operator, Martin Jantzen, was equally unstable. KRO later escapes to kill his creator and FLAG is forced to destroy him. (KRO was voiced by John B. Wells).
K.A. - short for "Knight Alpha", a prototype vehicle introduced in "Legion of Doom" for a possible European Knight Rider team being prepared for delivery to Berlin. KA is a European-made Ford Ka compact hatchback. KA only speaks German. (He is capable of many languages, but chooses to speak German in protest of the egocentric Americans.)
Man, I'd pay good money for this stuff on DVD. It's gotta be "Tremors" and "Gymkata" level good.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I blame Watchmen for this
Alam Moore fans hate comics and this guy does too. Is this any way to honor our fallen hero? Who will be our Moral Compass without Captain America in the world? Incidentally the next issue of Captain America should hit stands soon. You know he's dead right?
So yeah, in Watchmen, Post Modern Wonder Comics, Super dudes are all out killing folks for "the Man" and committing rape and lord knows what, instead of actually being fucking heroic but that's ok, because Rorschach was AWESOME!!!
Now we have this ass hat...
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0424071capt1.html
From the Smoking Gun:
APRIL 24--Meet Dr. Raymond Adamcik. The Florida man, dressed as Captain America and with a burrito stuffed in his tights, was arrested Saturday night for allegedly groping women at a Melbourne bar. Adamcik was part of a pub crawl in which participants wore costumes. While at the On Tap bar, Adamcik, 54, allegedly touched the genital areas of two women, according to a Melbourne Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find here. "Because there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at this time, all Captain Americas were asked to go outside for a possible identification," notes the report. One woman positively identified Adamcik as the superhero who groped her. While being booked, Adamcik asked to use the bathroom. It was then, police charge, that he attempted to flush marijuana, which apparently had been hidden in his blue tights. Adamcik was charged with battery, disorderly conduct, and pot possession. He was released after posting $2000 bail. Sadly, since the Melbourne P.D. was having camera problems, colors in Adamcik's mug shot were rendered poorly (he actually looks more like the Incredible Hulk). But Adamcik was later photographed at the Brevard County jail, where this clearer photo was snapped. (4 pages)
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Why I Hate Alan Moore
Ok, this is gonna have to be a multi-part series because as soon as one types the words "Hate" and "Alan Moore", one can feel the hate mail flowing from the very folks who make one want to make this post.
So yeah, Part One - Alan Moore Did a Good Thing
He wrote the Watchmen. That's it. And then apparently the world stopped turning.
Well in reality he wrote more than that and contrary to the belief his "Jonestown-esque" followers, typewriters around the world turned into rusted doorstops the day Watchmen was published.
Now don't get me wrong, Watchmen was wonderful. I love the characters. I love nine panel layout (Go Giffen!!!) and I love seeing iterations of some of my favorite characters. Now here's where it gets hinky. It wouldn't have been nearly as good if Moore had used the JSA. This is important.
All of that stuff that happened in Watchmen happened because Alan Moore was free to do whatever he wanted. He was free because he didn't use characters owned by anyone else and I am not even going to get into whether or not DC owns those characters because I really don't care.
I will get into the fact that some amazing stories were written about Super heroes before Watchmen but Moorites seem to want to talk as if they'd out grown stories such as the Avengers vs. Count Nefaria or the Avengers vs. Korvac or Walt Simonson's Thor or the Dark Phoenix Saga or even Moore's own work with Swamp Thing. They discount Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol and Animal Man as well as Neil Gaiman's Sandman.
If one were to make an argument that Watchmen was more complex, i'd have to agree. I'd give bonus points to anyone who made this argument and then told me that they read the Church and State run of Dave Sim's Cerebus AND the Death of Captain Marvel but I can't imagine that there are that many of you out there.
Here is my Alan Moore Truth:
Watchmen - Amazing
Swamp Thing Amazing and in the DCU
From Hell - Amazing
Everything else like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Tom Strong, Promethea, Supreme, Wildcats (yes WildCats), was good to better than good but some of it was written in his sleep and NO, it was not all better than anything else being published at the time.
It's too soon in the series to go into Lost Girls but if you haven't read it and would like to, just grab some crayons and go rent some porn. Then re draw everything you saw with the crayons but instead of whover your porn is about, inject the plot to Truth about Cats and Dogs and make sure the characters are Tootie, Jan Brady and Sissy.
It'll be about the same if not better.
As I said, Alan Moore did good thing. He wroet a Post Modern Superhero story and the world could have used that. The issue for his fans seems to be that they aren't aware that we are now Post Post Modern.
Comics should be done and are now being done in most cases by people who love comics, and not so much by folks with issues with comics. Once you decide that you hate comics and just take exception to what's being published and every publisher breathing then just go to Hollywood. Any one of you have the talent to produce something at least as good as anything Alan Moore doesn't want to claim. As if he'd been writing Hamlet and then someone turned it into a Hugh Grant movie.
More later...
Monday, April 23, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Unambiguously Gay Duo
On occasion, Superman has to go fight some crime in the Bottle City of Kandor. Of course, in this miniaturized Kryptonian capitol with its red sun lamps and high artificial gravity, he doesn't have any of his super-powers, so he does what any man in his situation would do.
*ring ring*
"Hello?"
"Jimmy? It's your pal Superman!"
"Jeepers!"
"How would you like to be shrunk to microscopic size and dress up like Batman and Robin?"
"WOULD I?!!!"
"You'll be Robin, of course."
"Aw, again?"
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Roscoe Lee Browne
The video link at the top today is from the 80s cartoon "Visionaries." That's because Roscoe Lee Browne died recently. Millions knew him as The Other Butler on "Soap"--the one who replaced Benson. Thousands knew him as the Kingpin on the 90s Spider-Man cartoon show. But for me and dozens of Visionaries fans, he was the awesomeness that was Merklyn.
That guy did not f___ around. You wanted to recharge your magic hologram flagpoles or whatever, he was damn sure going to make you WORK for it.
As to why the third video link is a World of Warcraft rap...I can't help you. Sorry.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
M.O.D.O.K. has a posse
It probably does need to be said that in there history of comics, there have been very few villians who invoke a sense of "cool" and "loyalty" amongst what could actually be called a "fanbase".
I don't mean villains like the Joker, who thanks to Alan Moore and Jack Nicholson, are now essentialy either remembered for one heinouse deed OR are characitures of themselves. I also don't meen guys like Magneto, who simply look cool posing with a helmet on and have essentially become the super villain equivalent of an evil Urban Legend. Wheverever you look, there he is. He's a dictator. He's the savior of his people. He's Dead! He's Alive! He has no name. He has a name, it's Eric. Does he not look like an Eric?. Wasn't he beheaded? Nah, he wasn't even in the country when that shit happened.
Then there are guys like M.O.D.O.K!!!
The Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Modok was made buy those bucket headed AIM guys. These dudes below:
Yeah so they made a MODOK guy and he's a HUGE head on a tiny body and he can't walk. He flys around on this killer weaponized toilet. He blast folks with some sort of ray from his giant Robin Williams-like forehead too. His major issue isn't even that stuff. The thing that he seems most obsessed with is making more MODOKS out of super heroes. So you fight him and if you lose or get caught in one of his big brained death traps, BAM! SpiDok or Captain AmeriDok or IronDok or MoonDok is what we are in for. That's just nasty.
At any rate, this is why guys like MODOK, Arnim Zola (later for him) and Batroc the Leaper (him too) are actually some of the coolest villains to ever punch Captain America in the schnozz. This is also all pre "Resistance is Futile" Borg stuff too. Just freakin cool!
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