Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fish Guy

The aquaman pitch that wasn't

Yeah...about Aquaman.

Nobody gives a second thought to the guy on the Coast Guard cutter. Or a lifeguard--except to mock their whistles and dumb high chairs or make dated Baywatch references.

But if you're drowning, if you fell off a boat, if a hurricane hits---man, THAT GUY is your best friend, your savior, and your god. For about 30 seconds. Then you make with the Baywatch jokes.

THAT GUY is Aquaman.

Look at him. He's wearing orange. RESCUE orange. He knows what his job is.

Look at him. He knows damn well what the world says when his back is turned. And he doesn't give a flying fish what YOU say. He has better sh** to do this morning. Guess how many giant evil sea monsters are down there. Guess. Here's a hint, Dane Dorrance and the Sea Devils fought a new one every issue FOR SEVEN YEARS. And every day, Arthur Frickin' Curry is down there either kicking the ass of a giant sea monster or ordering it to dive into the Marianas Trench forever.

Look at him. Does he look like he cares what [adult swim] says?

(By the way, it helps if you hum "America the Beautiful" while reading that)

1 comment:

r duncan said...

I can't beleive no one has commented on this. Awesome essay. RESCUE ORANGE. I like it.